Every Day I Try

poetry by Sofy Yuditskaya

1:

Every Day I Try

yes i was once a self-made-man
put myself together 
from what i had on hand
begged off borrowed and stolen 
from the people of this land
every day i try
every day i try to live
everyday i try to live up to the name my mother gave me

2:

I see you

nurturing nature has a warning
she can’t help herself 
she’s warming
up to you and me
have you heard what they’ve been saying?
there’s a rumor circulating 
she’ll be rising from the sea
when I see you rising baby
boy you really make me crazy
and a warm and cozy spot is just the place for you and me
rise up baby, take a stand
take a step towards what you see
she just wants your accolades, your acliam, and propitiations
come, and deliver your standing ovations
this world is made by you and me

3:

I Need to Stop

i think i need to stop watching television 
now i think i need to stop
watching television now i think
i need to stop
watching people live
stop watching life happen
i think i need to start living myself
hypnosis, 
i am a master of self hypnosis 
i can convince myself of anything i can dream up
good dreams are hard to come by
good dreams are hard to come by
because there is no rest 
the rest get no rest
because there is no rest for the wicked and poor
poor me, poor me, poor me
sometimes all i can think is 
pour me another one
i am a master of self-hypgnosis

4:

Buying and Selling

hey good lookin out
i heard you were searching 
you were searching 
you were searching for your self
i heard you struck gold
found a vein
in a certain fashion
found the way into those self-made cells
a wellspring of desire to drive your nights and days
you’ve made your niche
are you looking to expand?
are you looking well?
lookin good?
you better be good looking 
coz I’m holding 
are you buying?
coz I’m selling
I’m selling 
I’m selling 
I’m selling

5:

i wish i could do it all again
waves of water in the rain 
together, together but not the same
i searched for you, my lovers, my friends
put together what i could 
a spark of joy
of use, surprise
tried not to shrink before your eyes
dance away into the morning light
extoll the nature of our plight
we were together in the night

i turned around and it was gone
i wish I could do it all again

6: 

by burden, chance, or sleight of hand, 
we are the stewards of the land

7:

the world ends in fire
burnt by the fire in our hearts
burnt by our hot blood
we are creatures of fire
with excited cells
with excited eyes
we’re weaving a web around the earth
we’re weaving a web around the earth
a blanket warm web
warming up the seat
for the next to come along

Sofy (@horusVacui) is a media artist and educator working with video, interactivity, projections, code, paper, and salvaged material. Her work focuses on techno-occult rituals, street performance, and participatory art. Sofy’s performances enact and reframe hegemonies, she works with materials that exemplify our deep entanglement with petro-culture. She has worked on projects at Eyebeam, 3LD, the Rubin Museum, the Netherlands Institute voor Media Kunst, ARS Electronica, Games for Learning Institute, and has taught workshops at GAFFTA, MoMA, and the Guggenheim NY. She is currently working on her PhD in Audio-Visual Composition at NYU/GSAS. 

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